work review

got my six month work review yesterday and my self esteem about my job hit a major low.  i have worked in the same industry for almost 19yrs.  been with several different companies, but did the same job.  we process medicaid claims and thru the years several companies have bought us out.  let's see i started with GTE, then Verizon, and now Infocrossing.  same job contracted thru the state.  long time doing the same thing.  

i was a data entry operator for 17 years to the day and then i moved to being a participant services rep.  that just means i went from keying the claims to talking to the public about their issues with the claims.  LOL

at first it was an overwhelming change.  i thought i had lost my mind to take on this challenge.  see i had done data entry so long that i was second nature and had been an experienced keyer for many years.  i could do in my sleep.  it no longer challenged me and an opportunity arose and so i took it.  i was so scared, new people, different job, i had to know so much more.  

i took the job and within weeks my boss changed and i had to be shifted around to several different people training me.  it was crazy.  i came home and cried.  "what have i done, i'll never learn all this."  

ya see i went from knowing my job and doing it daily, no surprises to this...  i answer the phone and lord knows what i'm gonna get.  sometimes i'm a helper, worker, confidant, pharmacist, dr, lawyer, psychiatrist, social worker, friend, stranger... you name it and it comes across my line.  i pride myself in always doing what i can to help that person on the other end.  one never knows where someone's life has taken them.  

in taking this job however, i never realized how much i would have to learn and keep inside my head.  medicaid changes daily.  i have to know today, yesterday and guess about what's gonna happen tomorrow.  i have 6 books of information on my desk that i read and keep up with.  i have two that are my "bibles."  

now after almost two years i have moved from low man on the totem pole to almost one of the top.  we have lost several people and so i had to step it up.  scares me to death.  LOL

this week got my review by my new boss(second one since i been in that department, go figure) and due to some statistics and over 75% of the people being new within the last year, some of the things on the review had me pondering my ability.  

i was so upset i cried again.  i thought, god i really have made a mistake??  i'm an hour early to work everyday, i volunteer anytime i'm needed, it take as many calls as i can, i've learned a new phone line all the while helping all the others who are new, as they seem to come to me for help.  

i felt like the bottom dropped out...  ya know...  like i couldn't answer the question right and what the heck was i doing??  

i emailed my boss with my concerns after spending a long night tossing an turning over my inadequacies...  to her saving grace she put me at ease and informed me that it was only a growth type review and the final one would be up to her and as she sees it now, i'm doing great!!!  

she even said, "what would i do without you.  your positive outlook and ability to calm people and help when needed.  your great."

i feel a little better, still hesitant as my personality wants to be perfect??  go figure...  LOL fat girl who wants perfection...  that's kinda a contradiction in terms, but's i'ts me and god knows i'm aiming??  

so work review behind me, crazy job ahead...  go forth and conquer...  answer the downtroden and help all those that come across the phone line...  

till next we meet...  safe and blessed journeys all of you...