i want a home of my own, a car to get me where i need to go, a job that pays the bills and gives me a sense of accomplishment, i want my bills paid off. more than any of those things and god knows i would give up everything for this... i want a love that will last, i want a man who will love me like i love him. simple old fashioned love. the kind where you hold hands until the day you die... it has eluded me as if i'm not good enough, as if i'm not worthy...
i look around and see people who are unclean, who have no teeth, have no sense of pride in themselves and next to them is someone holding their hand.... they are looking at them as if they hung the moon?? what in the world did i do wrong??
i sometimes believe that god is mad at me? i know he isn't but it sure feels that way. i go for days and i'm ok... i can do this, i'm a big girl... i can take care of myself and yes i can, but i don't want to...
i wanna come home to someone, i wanna wake up and just know that he is there... i wanna cry in his arms when i need to... i wanna look across the room and catch my breath because i realize i love this man more than life itself... yes i'm self sufficient, i pay my own way... i don't NEED anyone, i just want....
growing up you believe in cinderella and prince charming and then you look in the mirror and you are so far from her....
she was blond, you have dark hair...
she had blue eyes, you have a green and a blue one(freak??)
she was lean and thin, you are short and fat
was kind and soft spoken, you are hurt and sometimes harsh
she has the latest fashion, you wear what fits
she has prince charmings heart, you have nothing
one glimpse and this what i see... for most of my life i have been told i was pretty, BUT, if i would lose weight i would be beautiful. how could i ever measure up to her?? i know she's a fairy tale, but not really... i look around and i see versions of her all the time, i guess it's not meant to be for me....
i wish i could just close the book and stop wishing, and if anyone knows how, please let me know. i hate Cinderella she started all this... how do i move forward?? how do i become and achieve all the things i wish for?? i don't have a clue...
next month is my birthday and once again it's looking like i will be alone... it hurts and it scares me... who will love me when i'm old, who will stand beside my bed and love into the next life?? who will be my prince charming... the bible says, a man that findeth a wife findeth a good thing... i guess i'm not a good thing??
well anyway, i hate cinderella and if ever she becomes real, i'm kicking her ass!!! for now, i still wait... maybe one day it will be my turn....
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